Why I can't "just get over it already"….

My blog isn’t exactly a serious blog. It’s really not my thing to bore you guys with the bad things in life, so even if it’s negative (like my hot water heater) I still try to put a fun or happy spin on it.

Forgive me, but this post is going to get serious. Real serious. I just need to put down into words what it is that I’m tired of repeating to everyone.

The issue is that I have to find a new OB/GYN (love that insurance or lack there of) and the only two doctors within 60 miles (that are covered) are men. I can’t go there. I just can’t. Most people don’t understand. They don’t see why I would rather drive two hours, or negotiate a deal, or let them repo my car in effort to make sure I can pay to see a female doctor.

Intellectually I KNOW that the male OB’s aren’t comparing notes, that they don’t care, that it’s just a job to them…. I get that…intellectually.

Intellectually I know a lot of other things too. Bad things. Things little girls should never know.

So to those who think I’m supposed to just forget and get over it and trust this strange man in authority to behave in a professional manner let me ask you a few questions:

Have you ever had someone you trusted, loved, respected and cherished with all your heart violate you?

Have you spent years being reminded that men ONLY want one thing and that ALL men feel this way NO MATTER WHAT?

Have you ever worked long and hard to overcome your fears and your “issues” and learn to trust again only to have that ONE person that you let inside the wall ignore you when you said “NO” and take it anyway? Oh, yeah… what was that they were saying about ALL men being this way? that’s what I thought…

Then…. just as you were getting older… just as you were starting to move past it… to set your heart aside AGAIN and work on accepting that maybe MEN aren’t ALL like that, you find out that another “upstanding” male in your family (whom you adored) had violated someone in your family, that the little cousin in the family (the same age as your daughter) was violated by someone she trusted, or that you’ve spent time a family parties with a KNOWN OFFENDER that everyone chose to keep quiet about?

I spent years being told that my private areas were just that PRIVATE, and that letting ANY man down there was dirty. Not because I would think it was sexual, but because THEY would.

I realize it’s irrational. I have obviously come to trust someone. I have been married for almost 11 years and I’m pregnant with our third child. But let me tell you he still pays the price for the sins of others. He is a great man. He doesn’t understand, but he respects that there are just things in my head I have to deal with, and he does his best to be patient. It took YEARS for me to trust his intentions.

I don’t have years to get to know a new doctor. I don’t understand why I have to get over my issues. Why can’t it just be accepted that I need to see a woman?

Is it so hard to respect my wishes here and help me rather than just invalidate my feelings on the issue and tell me to get over it?

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4 thoughts on “Why I can't "just get over it already"….

  1. familymclean says:

    Yes, I do understand, I really do. I have been there and know the pain and distrust and violation, sweetie, my heart aches for you!!! Hugs and prayers. I still have hauts, I am a changed person, not as care free as before and…..well, am trying to learn to trust.

  2. Sniz says:

    You poor thing. What are you going to do? My brother and sis-in-law paid for the delivery of their son out-of-pocket…they found a doctor they liked and negotiated with her. Is that a possibility?

  3. marye~ says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your being violated. That was wrong and is truly heartbreaking. I think you should be able to make a choice of who you have as a doctor. Good luck with your struggles.

  4. Momma TaderDoodles says:

    Thank you for all the comments and support. *big hugs*

    I really do handle things pretty well, considering. The whole “male doctor” thing is my biggest stumbling block. I actually turned away from God for a while as I “saw” Him as being Male and well… men in authority was an issue for me. I have moved past it, and found my faith again. That alone made everything else easier.

    So far, I’m still going to try and negotiate a fee with my normal doctor. I’m also looking into a midwife, and possibly a home birth or birth center option.

    I’ve been so upset by it for days now. The sad part is, I don’t see any changes coming that will make the health care system any better.

    What I do know is that come September this baby is coming doctor or no doctor. And no matter what God will be with us. This, after all, is His thing. Creation, birth, it will happen and He will make sure everything goes as planned, however it is He has planned it.

    Thank you again to familymclean, sniz, and m~ for being brave enough to leave a comment.

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