My blog isn’t exactly a serious blog. It’s really not my thing to bore you guys with the bad things in life, so even if it’s negative (like my hot water heater) I still try to put a fun or happy spin on it.
Forgive me, but this post is going to get serious. Real serious. I just need to put down into words what it is that I’m tired of repeating to everyone.
The issue is that I have to find a new OB/GYN (love that insurance or lack there of) and the only two doctors within 60 miles (that are covered) are men. I can’t go there. I just can’t. Most people don’t understand. They don’t see why I would rather drive two hours, or negotiate a deal, or let them repo my car in effort to make sure I can pay to see a female doctor.
Intellectually I KNOW that the male OB’s aren’t comparing notes, that they don’t care, that it’s just a job to them…. I get that…intellectually.
Intellectually I know a lot of other things too. Bad things. Things little girls should never know.
So to those who think I’m supposed to just forget and get over it and trust this strange man in authority to behave in a professional manner let me ask you a few questions:
Have you ever had someone you trusted, loved, respected and cherished with all your heart violate you?
Have you spent years being reminded that men ONLY want one thing and that ALL men feel this way NO MATTER WHAT?
Have you ever worked long and hard to overcome your fears and your “issues” and learn to trust again only to have that ONE person that you let inside the wall ignore you when you said “NO” and take it anyway? Oh, yeah… what was that they were saying about ALL men being this way? that’s what I thought…
Then…. just as you were getting older… just as you were starting to move past it… to set your heart aside AGAIN and work on accepting that maybe MEN aren’t ALL like that, you find out that another “upstanding” male in your family (whom you adored) had violated someone in your family, that the little cousin in the family (the same age as your daughter) was violated by someone she trusted, or that you’ve spent time a family parties with a KNOWN OFFENDER that everyone chose to keep quiet about?
I spent years being told that my private areas were just that PRIVATE, and that letting ANY man down there was dirty. Not because I would think it was sexual, but because THEY would.
I realize it’s irrational. I have obviously come to trust someone. I have been married for almost 11 years and I’m pregnant with our third child. But let me tell you he still pays the price for the sins of others. He is a great man. He doesn’t understand, but he respects that there are just things in my head I have to deal with, and he does his best to be patient. It took YEARS for me to trust his intentions.
I don’t have years to get to know a new doctor. I don’t understand why I have to get over my issues. Why can’t it just be accepted that I need to see a woman?
Is it so hard to respect my wishes here and help me rather than just invalidate my feelings on the issue and tell me to get over it?