(Let’s start with the excuses first… they are more fun)
I’ve been making stuff like this:
and doing a lot of whining and counting down about my gigantic belly.
and panicking about what I’m going to do if I go into labor before we have a chance to get the tub trough up here. (Yea, you read that right, my midwife rocks, and instead of a OVERLY expensive fancy kiddie pool she actually has a huge Rubbermaid horse trough that ROCKS for birthin’ babies!)
We’ve fought allergies, fought housework, fought with mortgage companies over a house we can’t wait to be rid of. We’ve been pouting that our newest friends are moving away.
Just been too busy to blog I guess….. well, not really.
The truth is: once again I made it feel like work. I once again got all wrapped up in the “if I’m going to blog anyway I might as well make a buck” and it all became overwhelming. The rules, the emails, the disclaimers, the SEO, the fine line between tweeting about your blog and spamming your blog. I wasn’t writing anything dishonest by any means. I won’t do that. However, the passion and fun behind writing it was being squashed in my worry over making sure I had the write links, or tags, or …..whatever.
One of my favorite posts is the one where I made my Alpha Doodles Coloring Book. I had so much fun making it! Then all of a sudden I felt all pressured to get the next one out. I wanted to do one on numbers, and I wanted to make bookmarks, and coloring pages for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day..and…and…and…
And all of a sudden my ability to draw anything just left. I was starting to get cranky with my family because they wouldn’t ‘leave me alone’ so I could work on it.
I had also started two challenges involving reading my Bible and reconnecting with God and sadly after two weeks that became another thing for me to feel guilty about. I just couldn’t keep up.
The bad attitude spread and I haven’t checked my Google Reader in weeks either. I’ve read some posts, but it’s because the people I tweet with most have tweeted about it.
All of it stopped being a release for me. It stopped being MY MOMMY PLACE to go and hide and share and laugh. Even connecting with God was a chore instead of something I was doing because I enjoyed the connection. That made me feel sad, and overwhelmed and crappy and there the snowball begins.
The past few days have taught me a few things.
First, I don’t have to WORK to connect with God… He’s been trying to get my attention for weeks. Telling me to slow down. Now it’s in pretty uncomfy ways, forcing me to stop (and often times lay down) where I can be quiet and hear Him. I should take time to seek Him out, daily, regularly, especially when I’m not asking for something HOWEVER, He is always there, seeking me out as well. If I would only take the time to look and listen and respond.
Second, it is my blog, and I’m taking it back. It was just supposed to be fun anyway. (A version of LiveWriter that will work either WITH Ubuntu or through Wine would be great though and make it easier… just sayin’)
Third, the new homeschool curriculum that kicking my butt and making school miserable for me. Duh, I knew that would happen this month. We weren’t supposed to start it until next year. The plan was to try it out, see what it was about. There is no shame in going back to the stuff we were doing before it got here. I’ll have all summer, hanging out inside with Peanut, to work on planning for next year.
Fourth- I have the coolest most wonderful readers, tweeps, and friends EVER! Ya’ll totally rock! I also have the best family (hubby and kids)! There is nothing like being reminded DAILY that God created them JUST FOR ME…. He must have, there just no way out of all the people in the world I could have been just that ‘lucky’.
Now that you know all my excuses and all my reasons for being gone I hope you’ll forgive me, don’t unsubscribe, and hang in there a bit longer and see what gets posted next. I had a ton of ideas, but the pressure to post was just too much.
*hugs ya’ll* time to start some laundry!
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- Alphabet Coloring Pages – FREE “Alpha Doodles” Coloring Book (chaosappreciation.com)
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