For My Birthday: My gift to myself

This year I turned 35.

I’m officially on a one-handed countdown to 40 and I’m actually kind of excited about it.
Between now and 40 I’m going to be working on a gift.
A gift I’m going to give myself. 
The gift of acceptance.
I have a miserable self esteem.  (I think that is the proper term)
I desperately want to be accepted by others, to be ‘good enough’, to be approved.  Problem is I am…  but I can’t accept that I am.  I make up excuses for why someone would lie to me and say nice things (oh, they’re just trying to be nice). 
Now that I’m not in an town full of judgemental hypocrites I’m starting to see that maybe I AM a nice person. Maybe I am occassionally funny, or at least fun to be around.  Maybe I am crafty.  Maybe I could make something worth having or *dare I say* buying! 
Maybe I really can cook decent food.  Maybe I am a good mom.  Maybe I am a good friend. 
Maybe I didn’t get to sing at church just because I was the ONLY one willing to do it, maybe it actually sounded nice.
Just because I’m not going to be the next Martha Stewart, Gordon Ramsay, or Alicia Keys but that doesn’t mean I can’t craft, cook, or enjoy a little karaoke.
Just because my kids hates doing Math, doesn’t mean I’m a bad teacher.
Just because I decided that I didn’t want to work in the accounting field doesn’t mean I wasn’t a good accountant.
And just because I’m overweight now, and have been most of my life, doesn’t mean I can’t turn it around.  I was on my way to a healthier lifestyle before I got pregnant with Peanut, I can do it again.
Understanding the importance of this gift, and making it a priority is the first step.  It is my gift to me this year.  I have five years to work it out. 
I’m not sure why this is such a hard thing for me but it is. 
I cried Thursday night (my birthday) as I read over all the facebook posts, emails and tweets wishing me a Happy Birthday.  The sweet words that blessed me that day were just what I needed to help me start on my journey to self acceptance.  I am blessed by knowing each and every one of you! *sniff*
God loves me, He made me special, with a purpose…. a GOOD purpose.  I should be able to accept that.   It’s time to practice what I preach. 
So for this year, inside my birthday box is a note to myself that reads “You are Good Enough”
 

9 thoughts on “For My Birthday: My gift to myself

  1. Peggy Brister says:

    See I must have a good self esteem now because reading how you feel about yourself isn’t familiar to me. It was years ago when I was married to my first husband/my kid’s dad but it was bad then based on how he treated me. I know your DH doesn’t demean you or treat you horribly or surely you would tweet about it, lol.
    I have been a little awol on Twitter and Facebook since Jeremy has been home. I didn’t know it was your birthday until I saw you thanking ppl for the birthday wishes. 😛

  2. Ashley says:

    Happy belated birthday… what a great present to give yourself. Remember, who you are IN CHRIST is all that matter in life… the rest is just details!

  3. Jenn says:

    Oh, sweetie, I for one think you are pretty awesome! Ashley hit the nail on the head – WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST….
    I always think of being told years ago by our pastor that *I’m not who I think I am, I’m not who OTHERS think I am, I AM who I THINK others THINK I am* – Again, remember you are Christ’s precious child. And THAT is ALL that matters! xo (talking to myself here, too!) 😉

  4. Heather says:

    Love it Lisa! I needed to read this and am encouraged by it. I have been blessed by knowing you. You do amazing things and have more children than me so you encourage me to do more and to believe in myself. You lead by example without even realizing it. Love you girl! And I only have 1 year left but am really making progress. Life is good. Remember the Teddy Roosevelt quote: “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” I believe that is the place God meets us. Heather

  5. Shay says:

    Oh hun, I completely understand that – I have horrible self-esteem as well. Each week when I write my weight loss post I cringe while typing in my weight. I’m pretty shy when I first meet new people because I’m unsure of what to say and I’m overly sensitive about the silliest things.
    You, my dear, are a very wonderful person & online friend! You’re kind & compassionate and I love reading your tweets. You’re a loving mommy & wife. My Dad used to say “God doesn’t make junk.” I always try & think about that when I’m having a down day…or week…or month! LOL 🙂
    Happy Belated Birthday!

  6. Jenn says:

    The first word that comes to mind is wow. Do we share a brain? I got misty reading your post-beautifully written and so truthful.
    I know I’ve only been following you on twitter and reading your blog for the last month but I adore reading your updates and can tell what an amazing lady you are-I’m glad to have “met” you 🙂
    Happy belated birthday!

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