Better than you.

That’s what you say. That’s your excuse. I don’t need a break, I don’t need time alone, I can do it all but shouldn’t expect that level of work or commitment from you because I’m better than you.  I can balance it all because I’m better than you.  I should just forgive, ignore, let it go, suck it up when you can’t do or won’t do or you’re too tired or on edge or stressed or or or
because I’m better than you.
That’s what you keep saying.
My response has always been “but I’m not”.
Because I’m not.  I hurt, I get tired, I feel weak, I struggle.
I want to vomit when they vomit.
I want to scream when faced with the 5000th poopy diaper that day.
I want to yell because they won’t.shut.up. for FIVE seconds and wait for me finish typing this sentence.
I don’t feel like sitting through karate this week.
I don’t want to fake excitement again.
But I do it. Because I’m the mom. It’s my JOB and while my paycheck won’t be here for a LONG LONG TIME I will get paid.
Guess what your job is.
Your job is to suck it up, stay awake, sing the song, wipe the butt, dry the floor, fix the mac and cheese, rock, read, walk, laugh, cheer.
It is the SAME job as mine.
And you are qualified and capable of doing it.
But since I’m in a particularly rotten mood right now, I’m not going to answer you with a “but I’m not better than you” this time.
This time, I am better than you. I am stronger and more disciplined.  See, I woke up and prayed.  I got mad at you and prayed. I did dishes and prayed. I fixed lunch and prayed.
I prayed that I would be good, that I would be strong, that He would help me carry my cross without complaint.
Lunch is ready, you should probably come eat. If you are strong enough to chew your own food.

4 thoughts on “Better than you.

  1. cassie says:

    ’cause a momma does more than just love her babies…
    And you’re great at it! And some days it sucks, and it hurts, and you lose yourself, but I think someday we will see that it was worth every minute we spent crying, cleaning poopy bottoms, washing mountains of clothes, and not having a sane moment to ourselves.
    Until then, I think it’s best we stick together. I love you, lady.

  2. Donna says:

    Don’t every mom feel this way? Gee in my life it was always normal. Now that my daughter is 15? I’ve just come to the conclusion I am stronger — completely worn out now but back then I was sooooooo much stronger 🙂
    Love you.

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