Before you run that bath, check for toilet paper

Nothing like stepping into a steaming HOT bath, looking down, and seeing little pieces of wet toilet paper floating around your legs.
I *heart* my kids.
The shower was quick, as the hot water heater was almost emptied when I filled the tub.
It’s been that kind of day.  I’m not really sure if this sudden onset depression is just stress + hormones + weather or if there are deeper underlying things that help trigger it. I do know it’s getting on my last nerve.  Hubby has been holding (sleeping in his chair) the baby since he got home so I could just sit without someone in my lap for a few minutes.  He’s trying to be helpful.  I’m just totally overwhelmed right now. He would be more than willing to stay home watch the kids for me to go out somewhere but what I really need is for everyone to leave me here.
I’d love to move the laundry up and down the stairs without having to carry a 20lb baby in the basket with me.   I’d like to start cleaning the kitchen and finish it. I’d LOVE to cut coupons without Lil Man eating most of them.
Tomorrow my friend Jess is coming over to hang out for a bit.  She’s bringing four kids with her.  I was hoping to find my kitchen table before she got here so we could sit at the table while the kids are in the living room playing.  Probably not going to happen.
In my head I know that this is just the “baby stage”, where things get left unorganized for a bit and one day I’ll wake up and he’ll be playing without needing me and I’ll have the time to take back my house.  Then I start thinking how much better things would be if I took it back now, or better yet, if I had NEVER let it get this way.
Then I feel like a craptastic mom for failing my husband and my kids for the past 15 years and not having things taken care of in advance so we could weather this “baby stage” unscathed.
Then I start thinking maybe I just don’t have it in me to be “together”.  I mean, we were married for FIVE years before we had Doodlebug.  Our house wasn’t all pull together then.
Maybe I will never have my ducks in a row or my “stuffs” in one sock.  What if my kids grow up to be unorganized messes?
What if moving to a bigger house doesn’t make it any better? What if getting rid of excess stuff doesn’t make it any better?  What if…

4 thoughts on “Before you run that bath, check for toilet paper

  1. Jenn says:

    I just need to say that you are not a craptastic mom who has failed your family. From everything I’ve read and chatted with you about, you haven’t failed them at all! You are an excellent mommie doing the best job that you can.
    We all get into overwhelm mode. I’m there…alot. But it does get better. Just take 2 mins to hide in the bathroom and breathe-it really does help.
    ****hugs****

  2. Heather says:

    First time on your blog and I feel like I just read a note from myself! I am right there with you. Praying for peace for both of us.
    Btw, I love your blog and appreciate your honesty.

  3. aplaceforthoughts says:

    It is so hard to not get overwhelmed. Give yourself a break. You deserve it. I’m also wondering where my table went and when it’s coming back. But I have to remind myself that it’s okay. I really believe that it is more important for work at home moms to get an outside break then it is for dads who work outside of the home. I hope today is a good day for you and you get a few minutes for you.

  4. Branson says:

    I absolutely have days like this, and I often wondrr as well “what if I am just not wired to ever be ‘together’?” But I remind myself that my home is full of love, and babyhood only lasts so long… Hang in there, mama!

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