Learning to Let Go

I love my dad. Deeply. I didn’t grow up with him though. I had step dads; but mom was very adamant that NO ONE disciplined her children but her. I have NO idea what dad’s should do, or sound like or act like except what I’ve seen on tv and movies.
I really didn’t think it would be a big deal. Only once in a while do I feel like I missed out on something- I get sad- and I move on. I have him now, he’s awesome, everything’s good.
Except.
Now I have a husband and we have children. HE is Dad and I’m having a hard time.
I feel like his Dad was pretty harsh. Not abusive! But the whole family seems to speak to each other with a “what the heck were you thinkin’ when you did that ” attitude. Even when you are right they act like you were wrong. They also almost always sound like they are yelling at you… or at least loudly speaking with an unsatisfied tone.
Well not ALWAYS, but a lot. Not normally to me, but to Mr. B for sure.
So I have a tendency to monitor and coach his conversations with the kids. I prep him for time spent with them and feel the need to stand behind the children giving him hand cues. “Be Nice” “Let her finish” “Stop Growling” “Don’t Eat Them”
But today, today I let him extend their “no tv in the bedroom” punishment out another two weeks. I bit my tongue when he went upstairs, even though I KNEW the sobbing six year old would only sob harder, and let him say what he wanted and with the tone he wanted. He was calmer than I expected. He used language I wouldn’t approve of, not foul language, just not very “soft and mommyfied”. Now our children are doing what they were told to do; something they were NOT doing before he went up there.  He did just fine, without my input.
I need to learn how to let it go. Let HIM go. I hurt their feelings all the time because I’m being their parent and not their friend. I need to stop worrying that he will hurt their feelings. I need to trust that he is their dad and it will be okay.I need to let him stand up for me with they disrespect me. I need to stop defending them.
It serves no purpose for me to preach that Daddy is the leader and for my children to see me block his every attempt to act like the leader.
Learning to let him be in control is hard. I trust him with so much, why can’t I trust that he can handle disciplining our children. Deep down I know he’s a much bigger softie than I.

One thought on “Learning to Let Go

  1. Katie says:

    This definitely made me think about needing to trust my boyfriend more, instead of interfering and assuming my way is better. Thanks for the reminder!

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