Late night clickity clack

Up late with the Mr.
He came home a day early but still had to get up and work from 11:30 to 1:30am.  So I waited up for him to wake from his power nap. Here we sit, in our chairs, clicking away on the keys of our respective laptops. The house is quiet, tv turned down low.
I just spent a half an hour checking out Pinterest for cool craft ideas and homeschool inspirations. Wow. Just wow. So many creative people in our world!
I have so many ideas for school next year. I feel, at this very moment, so motivated to plan better and do better for my kids. I have little patience though and I can’t buy the curriculum I want to use yet. In a week or so I can afford to pick up another piece. Then it’s back to saving up for the big chunk. I need to sell off my old stuff but I can’t seem to get my act together to list it anywhere. Maybe after the holiday weekend.
I see blog posts about these easy craft ideas and I want to be that mom. When it comes time to actually DO something I bail on my kids almost every time. I buy the supplies but never prep them. I’ve even hinted that we were going to do something fun, but then allow them to forget about it so I don’t have to take the blame for it not happening.
I love to have the plans, work the plans, the prep, the design, the laying it out, the anticipation of it all.
The execution always trips me up. I’m so used to it not going exactly as I planned it and me getting upset  that I just don’t do it.
People have always said how I was a “go with the flow” kind of person. A flexible mom.
I am so very not that mom. At all.

Dear Diary, May 31st 2011

Dear Diary,

Who the heck did I upset to deserve this?

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I mean really.

I’m okay with a bad day. I’m even okay with whiney kids.

The drawer in the bathroom full of sticky bottles where the baby’s gripe water leaked? I was okay with that too.

Until I noticed the gripe water was full of ants. Apparently child proof caps can’t stop a hoard of colicky ants.

I held my cool while hunting the possible black widow spider in the garage (that was never found).

I managed to not throw up as my children drew pictures of the antennaed multi legged stripy big eyed bug they found in their bathroom- that apparently got away as well.

The tears from the emotional nine year old? Swiped, calmed and kissed.

The hour long cryfest from the baby over nothing? Consoled.

Today was sucking but I was making lemonade….and then this happened.

This figurine that I have had and glued and pieced together for at least 25 years was destroyed when the pegboard I so proudly blogged about last night fell.

As I was cuddling my sleeping toddler girl with the baby sleeping on a big pillow at my feet, the velcro strips gave way and it all came crashing down.

The velcro didn’t, but the sticky part did. It just didn’t adhere. The strips are rated to hold the weight but when Mr. gets home that will be the first thing he comments on, how I had so much on there.

But it wasn’t the velcro, it was the sticky part that failed me.

I counted my blessings that none of the sewing machines were damaged, or the wall, or the peg board and then I cried.

I feel things crawling on me constantly even when there is nothing there. Peanut and I are covered in bug bites. I have resorted to fighting off ants with furniture polish. I have wasted a day and a half trying to put out emotional fires from my kids. Now I’m feeling like a slob, and a failure, and I have retreated under my rock.  My ability to filter my thoughts before they come out my mouth was faltering and it seemed best to log out of my favorite hang outs and hide.

Sincerely,

The Tattered Tadey