Better than you.

That’s what you say. That’s your excuse. I don’t need a break, I don’t need time alone, I can do it all but shouldn’t expect that level of work or commitment from you because I’m better than you.  I can balance it all because I’m better than you.  I should just forgive, ignore, let it go, suck it up when you can’t do or won’t do or you’re too tired or on edge or stressed or or or
because I’m better than you.
That’s what you keep saying.
My response has always been “but I’m not”.
Because I’m not.  I hurt, I get tired, I feel weak, I struggle.
I want to vomit when they vomit.
I want to scream when faced with the 5000th poopy diaper that day.
I want to yell because they won’t.shut.up. for FIVE seconds and wait for me finish typing this sentence.
I don’t feel like sitting through karate this week.
I don’t want to fake excitement again.
But I do it. Because I’m the mom. It’s my JOB and while my paycheck won’t be here for a LONG LONG TIME I will get paid.
Guess what your job is.
Your job is to suck it up, stay awake, sing the song, wipe the butt, dry the floor, fix the mac and cheese, rock, read, walk, laugh, cheer.
It is the SAME job as mine.
And you are qualified and capable of doing it.
But since I’m in a particularly rotten mood right now, I’m not going to answer you with a “but I’m not better than you” this time.
This time, I am better than you. I am stronger and more disciplined.  See, I woke up and prayed.  I got mad at you and prayed. I did dishes and prayed. I fixed lunch and prayed.
I prayed that I would be good, that I would be strong, that He would help me carry my cross without complaint.
Lunch is ready, you should probably come eat. If you are strong enough to chew your own food.