Nothing like some last minute blogging

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It’s almost eleven o’clock and only one of my children are asleep. The two that Hubby was in charge of getting to bed are upstairs still chatting. The lil man is crawling around me on the floor like a piglet on crank while I try to post to the bloggity blog on my new Droid.

Did I mention my glasses are upstairs and that my astigmatism is so bad I’d be surprised if this post doesn’t get completely played by my autocorrect. (ahem….Dear Droid, momma said glasses not a$$es mkay).

Just wanted to thank all my readers and tweeps for your sweet prayers and words of encouragement. Today was better. Not fantasmagoric but better.

I even managed time to do Week 2 Day 3 of the C25K and score a shower. (all by myself. It’s ok. You can be jealous. )

Tomorrow morning a wonderful mommy friend of mine will be guest posting here. I can’t wait!  It was some of her encouraging words that helped turn the week around.

Now, who wants to come play with Peanut? Momma wants to go to bed. 

A hero, a web server and friends.

I wish I could write today and say that my pouty attitude from yesterday was better.
Unfortunately it is not.  It might even be a little worse.  I don’t remember crying yesterday, but I did it at least three times today.
Since January is Gratitude Month, I’m going to list a few positives I can skim off of today instead of dwelling on my frustrations.
First, we had a ton of leftovers from dinner last night, so I didn’t have to cook dinner.
Hubby worked all day yesterday and 6 hours in the middle of the night and still got up at 11am and spent most of the day building us a media server and me a web server so I can work on creating my own WordPress blog themes and designs.
He was also home when the battery died in my car and was able to quickly come to town and rescue me.
One of my online BFF’s gave me another opportunity to do some design work… and she liked the result!
I am within 30 minutes of being done with a project I should have had done already.  It’s one of those things that clings to the back of my mind as a “if they’d just behave I would have finished this already” anger trigger.  Thrilled to have the work, bummed that my time management skills are lacking….  but looky looky… I’m almost done!
I doodled a new idea for a friends blog design.
I found a pair of clean pants.
My shirt is a tad wee bit looser.
I have a couple of great mommy blogger friends who have taken me up on my offer to host guest posts!  I can not WAIT to see what these GREAT ladies write up!
I taught my kids Roman Numerals today and they totally got it!  We had fun writing our ages and birthdays in Roman Numerals.
Our six year old read two entire “chapters” in her Dick and Jane book with NO help.  ROCK ON TADERBUG!
The water bill arrived, on pink paper, warning of a disconnect. I got to throw it away because the check had already been sent in- they just crossed in the mail.
Our two year old used her potty three times tonight!
I will try again for a better day tomorrow and remember to end it by counting my blessings.

Just me

No meme, no theme, no vlog with graphics, no cute pictures.
I feel like as of January 1, 2011 my blog has gone downhill.  Maybe I feel that way because after my first week of well thought out scheduled posts were done I found myself scrambling to make sure I posted something everyday.  Everyone was starting these great New Years themes and I wanted to join in.  I even started my own.
Suddenly I don’t feel like blogging.
I am running the Couch to 5K program.
I am sitting on the floor with my kids.
I am (thanks to a broken washing machine) doing LOTS of laundry.
I am learning to do better blog design.
I am learning new tricks for my graphics design.
I am trying to be optimistic about hubby’s trip out of town most of next week.
I am desperately ignoring the speed at which my ONLY son, and last baby, is advancing through the “infant” stage.  He is stealing food off my plate, drinking my tea, and climbing the stairs.  He just turned 7 months old.
I am trying to read my Bible every day.
I am trying to cook more real food and less boxed food.
I am trying to focus, organize, take time, make time, love, cherish, remember, hang on, let go, trust, wait, balance, juggle, breathe.
I.am.failing.
My house is a wreck. My kids are stressed (their behavior gives that away). Mr. B is at his wits end with them.  I feel stupid and inadequate. I have to write a to do list to remember to brush my teeth and hair.
I really thought that if I stopped trying to dabble in everything and just picked a few things that really interested me that I would be more successful.  I feel even more lost.
I need to find a way to work with what I have.  I have to step up again.  I have to make it work.
Hubby keeps telling me there is no such thing as “multi-tasking”. It is only “switch-tasking” and it is NEVER an effective way to function.
I keep telling him he is not allowed to lecture me on this topic again until he can give me a viable alternative.

I almost forgot about today

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I got a new toy today. Hubby bought me an HTC Desire. This Droid phone totally rocks my socks.

I’ve been to busy playing Word Feud and Angry Birds to remember my blog!

I didn’t totally forget and now here I am blogging from my phone. No excuse now huh?

Recipe for cuteness

Ingredients:
Hand me down nap mat
Diaper
Momma-made apron
Momma-made pillow (that matches the apron)
Brown marker
Giant box
A pretend phone call
One Very Tired 2 Year Old
Directions:
Fold down sides of box.
Combine all ingredients in the box.
urn around and make a cup of coffee while enjoying your imaginary phone call.
In two stirs, turn back around to face the box and ….
CIMG0811
Yes, she is sleeping. Yes, she still has her “phone” to her ear.

National Trivia Day….or something…

This post is in no way shape or form the post I had planned for today.  Starting yesterday afternoon nothing went as I had planned.  I’m actually in hour 28 of “let’s see how frustrated we can make mommy” and I’m not enjoying this little game what.so.ever.

So, instead of what I PLANNED, this post will be random trivia about me. In Honor of National Trivia Day and all.

  1. I must be related to the Incredible Hulk. Distantly of course.  When I get angry, instead of my body bulking up and turning green, my head swells up like a puffer fish and my eyes turn green instead.  Still…you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
  2. I am the anti Betty Crocker. I am completely incapable of following a recipe.  This is complicating our homeschooling adventures in cooking as my daughter (being told to ALWAYS FOLLOW DIRECTIONS) is confused by my “I already threw in some butter” attitude.
  3. I hate having my toilet paper ON the holder.
  4. I’ve I could redo any of my mistakes…  I would have picked a different major in college.  No one told me I didn’t have to pick what I was good at, I could pick what I loved to do.
  5. I *puffy heart* candy corn.

oh… #6… I asked  my husband to name some piece of trivia about me and his response was
“with as much as you talk I can’t believe you can’t write your own da*& blog post”
Thanks honey. Love you too.

Bathtub Blogging

Right now. This very moment. I am blogging from the bathtub.
Seriously.

I am blogging from the bathtub on my crapberry while my hubby sits downstairs WITH the mommy helper and watches OUR children so I can shower alone.
Twenty bucks says I will still be interupted.
The bubbles are nice. What is nicer is that they don’t smell like Mr bubble.  Instead they are some froofroo stuff that is supposed to make me smell purty. The water behind me is considerably colder than the water in front because after four babies my behind is so wide that I create a dam in the tub and the hot water cannot get back there.
Can someone please explain to me why we (moms . . . And the occassional dad) have to resort to reading,writing,working,vlogging and paying bills from the tub or the toilet just to have a moment of peace??!!
I’m a good parent. Somehow I forgot or just flat out failed at teaching my kids their boundaries. They are A priority but not THE end all be all top priority all the time any time!
I think the only way to fix it, at least here, it to have hubby step up and tell the kids that they are not to disturb me. I think changing this trend will require a team effort. And locks.
Sent by BlackBerry, available from NTELOS Wireless

The ever growing to do list.

Hey ya’ll.  I know, this is supposed to be a post of one of my great grandma’s recipes.
Unfortunately, I’ve been a bit depressed lately (there.isaidit.)  Nothing harsh like before.  I can just feel the spiral beneath me ready to suck me in and during a couple of real good cryfest-pittyparties it almost got me.
Hubby has been sent out of town for work almost every week for two months.  He goes again next week.  I have in laws visiting this weekend and my mom visiting next weekend because our oldest daughter turns 9 on Halloween.
My house is a wreck.  My toddler is a whirling dervish. My attitude is quite frankly just bad.
The good news is, my house can be cleaned, I’ve lost 5 lbs and started the couch to 5k, and I have a couple of orders to complete. Hubby will be home all day today and his parents will take the big kids out tomorrow to give me a little break (aka time to work).
We are supposed to go see a car salesman today about a bigger vehicle.  I’m praying hard that we will make the correct choice here.  Every time I ask for guidance I get an answer, conflicting answers.  I know this is because there is an outcome I want and things are being filtered through those desires. Right now I’m feeling like it might be a waste of our time.
I got in some new fabrics AND new PUL so I’m looking forward to getting some more bibs made!  I’m also considering making one of each of my items as a matching set to list together.  Guess I should probably finish the Halloween costumes first huh?

A confession.


I am jealous of you.  Probably most of you.  I realize I shouldn’t be but I am, painfully, angrily, jealous.
I’m not jealous of what you have – your stuff.  I could have your stuff.  If I started making different decisions in my life, set your stuff as my goal, I could have it for myself.  I don’t want your stuff.
I want your emotional freedom.
I want to be angry and not feel guilty about it.  I want to have opinions and not feel obligated to be able to justify them in any way to any one.  I want to be mad and not hold it in.  Why do I care so much that it will hurt you or make you sad to know that you made me mad?  I say “you hurt me” then just give in as soon as you give me the “golly gee I didn’t MEAN to hurt you”.
They say there are two sides to every story.  I’m sick of being understanding of the other side.  Of refraining from standing up for myself because I ‘see’ your side too.
I want to state my opinion, or get on my soapbox, and when someone starts in on me I want to tell them to shut up.  You don’t have to agree with me.  But I don’t have time to explain myself to every Tom,Dick and Harry.
I want to pout that it’s not fair and not feel guilty about all the other starving-walking up hill both ways-momma didn’t love me people out there who have it worse than I do.  There will always be someone out there worse off than I; that doesn’t mean I can’t have a bad day.
I want to sob at a funeral without feeling like my sobbing, and the comforting attention I would receive from someone, would be somehow stealing comforting attention from someone more important-someone closer in relation- to the deceased. (I actually refrained from crying at my grandfather’s funeral because I felt my mom and my aunts had a bigger “right to cry” than I)
I am jealous of your bravery.  Your unwillingness to compromise how you feel.  Your boldness.  Your ability to share your emotions without hesitation.
I’d like to know it feels like to NOT pull a punch.  Say it and meant it, even when it’s hard.  To say “stop walking on me” without changing it to “I know this is the only way to walk, so how about we just walk on me softly okay?”
Just typing this post, THINKING this post, fills me with guilt.  It is my ability to see someone else’s side, their point, or their perspective that has put me in the position to be a peacemaker with friends, at work and with my family.  I am the one who holds it together in a crisis, the one who talks everyone through the conflict, the one who holds the boat while everyone else is rocking it. Why would I want to be so mean? To hurt others? To rock the boat?
Do you ever just wish you could go postal, for one day, and say it all?

Fail to plan, plan to fail..


Not so. At least not with me.
Here I am again. Trying to get the kids to go to bed, or at least settle down for some quiet time.  Reading tweets from other moms whose kids have either BEEN in bed for a while already or they are skipping off to put themselves to bed nicely.
I feel lost.  I feel defeated.   I’d give just about anything for them to go to bed without a fuss.  It will be another two hours before everyone is asleep.  We’ve tried bedtime routines, soft music, white noise, aroma therapy, quiet time, down time, warm jammies, hot baths…I even told my oldest to pray for people until she ran out of names.  (well… it puts me to sleep!)
So for the next two hours I will sit here on the couch, trying to keep quiet, and I’ll make up my mental plan for tomorrow.   In a few minutes I’ll get up to go to the little girls room (wait for it, I have a point to this) where I will notice how much their bathroom could use a good cleaning.  I’ll think, “gee, that wouldn’t take more then 15 minutes or so”, and I’ll put it on the to do list.  I’ll pass by the load of laundry piling up in the hallway and think “gee, I should take that downstairs”, and put it on my list.  Sometimes I’ll even put time limits next to the things on my list.
Dishes  10 min
Vacuum 2 min
Dust 5 min
Bathroom 15 min
Make beds 5 min
I work fast, and I HAVE had my house pretty tidy in under an hour.
I make a plan.  I feel good about the plan.  I go to bed and dream about the plan.
Then I wake up.  The plan begins to fail almost immediately.
The drama. The whining. The unexpected phone call. The burnt lunch.
Then it’s 5 o’clock.
Hubby is home. Nothing will get done now.
Even as I’m typing my plan of what this post would be has failed.  I did have a point.  It was a good one too I think.
Oh well.  There is much grumbling upstairs…. and I must find my notebook and pencil.  I must plan for tomorrow.